pop tarts are not kleenex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
