Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
