I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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