also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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