thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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