I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
