In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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