I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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