i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
