i permit you to call me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
