My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
