I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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