Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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