I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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