Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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