I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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