Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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