nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
