In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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