you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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