I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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