I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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