I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost the right to judge tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
