So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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