Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
