He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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