ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
