now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i came on her dog
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
