why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
is it fun? or sober?
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