well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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