What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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