Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
