sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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