when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pants are for mortals
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
