hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
