We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
