Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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