Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
