idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
