im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
