I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
