so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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