CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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