Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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