we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
