So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
