brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
