I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize