My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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