Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
