Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My penis needs a shock collar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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