i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dicks are not precious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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