I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
