no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
