Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
