Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize