Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
