i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
