I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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