you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
