spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
