Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
