I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
