Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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