If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
