ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
