Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
