I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
