just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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