Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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