Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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