I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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