Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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