I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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