I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize