My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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