I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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