She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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