I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize